just one

Wearing Platforms in Istanbul (Title MR, Text JM)

‘Wearing Platforms in Istanbul’ imagines a world identical to this one, save for one detail: shares in living artists are traded on the stock exchange.  In this fictional present, financial market specialist Clement O’Frey specialises in trading shares in high end conceptual artists from the UK.  His adeptness in cutting a deal has secured a mercurial rise from near poverty to a very comfortable London life within 10 years. However, things go cataclysmically wrong when he bets his entire fortune on the video artist Gillian Wearing.  Expecting her shares to soar to new heights in Turkey, O’Frey’s world falls apart when they bottom out in what the stock-market world terms a “platform”.   O’Fray loses everything, and the bulk of this novel chronicles his dissent into mental breakdown. After a gruelling passage through London’s mental healthcare facilities, he achieves a very distinctive spiritual awakening courtesy of his son’s toy sparrow. He finds new happiness as a media guru.   A truly uplifting piece of fiction.

“If you want to learn something about the market for contemporary British art, as well as contemplate vast vistas – buy this book!” (Matthew Collings).

On a trip to Eindhoven

We find inspiration on the flight

This Question (title JM, text NM)
A sprawling state-of-the-nation novel that takes in both the pinnacles of political and cultural power, and the quotidian deprivations of life in the margins.   A powerful mystery thriller and exploration of psychological breakdown, social process and causality, as told through the consciousness of Charles Fontescue, charismatic political figure, Greta Pryce, a well-loved television entertainer, their friends and lovers and those they meet on their way up and way down, carried by the chain of events leading to and spiralling outward from the moment when the journalist asks the politician the unaskable question.   The unfolding of the reasons, medical and retinal, for the fateful question provides a metaphor for the breakdown of social values. "Kept me guessing right til the end" - Ian Rankin.

Wonderment (title NM, text JM)
A tour-de-force by TV's favourite scientist, Megan Grimley. 'Wonderment' explains everything you have always wanted to know about pretty much anything you are interested in. Easy to read: complex theoretical concepts are explained in terms the modern layperson will have no problems getting to grips with. How our brain oils control the weather, sexual relationships, business life, politics and emotional hang-ups. Learn to extract and examine your own brain oils using the pull-out tool included with the hardback edition.
 Not suitable for people with pacemakers or children under 18.

Liverpool Street Location Inspires Two Corkers...

... in my opinion.  We swapped titles back, as JM turned up her nose at 'Fantastic Family', which NM was very excited about.

Plans to Impose (title JM, text JM)
The world's first novel inspired by the rigourous academic discipline of structuralism, 'Plans to Impose' takes a considered look at those planning applications submitted to Walthorpe District Council which were, for various reasons, unsuccessful. Marrying contemporary theoretical debate with a wry side-swipe at the labyrinthine complexities of UK planning law, this novel never ceases to fascinate and entertain in equal measures. Lacking a conventional narrator, the plot's thrust is carried by a series of 'I' voices authored by the local applicants to the planning department seeking three-story mirrored glass extensions to bungalows, or to develop a shopping complex in their back yard.

Fantastic Family (title NM, text NM)
The latest graphic novel to make waves in the mainstream best-seller charts. 'Fantastic Family' chronicles the exploits of three generations of a dynasty of super-heroes, beginning in turn-of-the-20th century Nottinghamshire, with the meeting of Agatha Dymock and the Mighty Tom. She is a psychic spy against German intelligence agents, and he is a circus strongman fighting against the illegal employment of child chimney sweeps.  We follow the struggle of their children to find their own identity in the 1920's and 30's, their son Ronald briefly flirting with the idea of becoming a Blackshirt. William enjoys an untroubled life as a super-hearing super hero until his ideas are irrevocably changed by his burgeoning love for a Jewish refugee girl and he finds fulfilment in hs work as an early type of radar. Sadly, the story ends in tragedy as the third generation succumbs to venereal disease while posted to the far east during the Malaysian uprising. 

"A feast for the eyes and the brain. Smart, sexy and hilarious... and educational" (Jonathan Ross)

from a day at Hackney City Farm

Spacious Accommodation (title JM text MR)

Abigail Walters' comic caper among rival groups of thrusting young sales agents at Keymates, Chiswick's last remaining independent estate agent when a new branch of a notoriously aggressive national chain opens next door. The owner, the bow-tie and tweeds wearing Dickie relies on Chiswick divorcees and mutually advantageous arrangements with local solicitors for his business, but this simply won't cut it any more. New girl Polly decides that this is the time to step into the limelight in order to beat this invader at its own game – and that NOTHING is off limits in her pursuit for a sale. Loyalties, friendships and ethics strain at the seams in pursuit of her next commission as Polly seeks to save her beloved Keymates.

But why does Polly care so much about this business? And why is she so desperate to outdo the sales of Keynotes star agent – the ne'er do well, boss' favourite James, who turns up for a work with a different blonde in his sports car virtually every day? Learn all this – and the unexpected upsides of well appointed young men showing desperate buyers around dream homes with very well-appointed bedrooms....

“Edgy, Vibrant stuff” Louise Mensch

“Sensational” Property Week

“...Shocking...a book that will strike a chord with anyone that's ever owned a house” Baz Bambagoyne (Daily Mail)

31st May - just one, but a good one

Strawberry Notes (title NM, text NM)
A delicately crafted "what Maisie Knew" de nos jours. Strawberry Sussex, the daughter of music business David Sussex, has written a highly-charged memoir clothed in a gossamer-thin cloak of fiction. The work details the story of drug abuse, sex parties and perversions that made up the rock n' roll lifestyle of her father and his sequence of glamour model and personal trainer wives, all seen through the veil of misunderstandings and hazy conception of a young girl, as noted in her secret book of notes.  

"The poignancy of the development of the girl's observations as she grows from a toddler to a full sexual being in her own right is astonishing" - Melvyn Bragg.

Saturday May 19th. On the way to Hackney City Farm

Second Oldest (title NM, text JC)
"Throughout my life, 'second oldest' has always equalled 'second best' - read how I turned my life around and came out the other side an addict of Soft Cell, fried egg sandwiches and perverse thoughts.

Captured 23 (title NM, text DJ)
The chilling tale of the capture and kidnap scenario of 'Cathy', a 23 year old pure breed cat, the only one of her breed to live to this old age. This gripping psychocelestial tale will tug on your heartstrings and leave you questioning the morals of animal welfare

Spicy Tomato (title NM, text JM)
Spicy Tomato is a bit of a character! She has an exotic adventure when she falls from the shopping bag into a jar of chutney. Ooo, what a mess!
Spicy Tomato is the latest in our colourful series 'The Tomato Kids', suitable for children 5-8 years old. Also in the series: 

• Grilled Tomato: a tale set in early 80's London, in the days  of 'stop and search'.  'Grilled Tomato' is beautifully illustrated
• Fried Tomato: a morality story warning children about the dangers of heavy drug use. Written in a style that is both accessible and enjoyable.
• Sun-dried Tomato: little Cherry Tomato visits her middle-aged aunt, who has lived in Ibiza for 20 years. Cherry is a bit frightened of her auntie's scary face.

May 12th

Two gems of London life...

The Impoverished (title NM, text JM)

Hal Jape has reached crisis point. His cushy job writing online reviews of digital equipment looks to be coming to an end, his long-term girlfriend has left him for a would-be property developer, and his children have stopped speaking to him. His early mid-life crisis leads him to book into the notorious spiritual retreat ‘Urban Hope’.  Hosted by an inner-city priest, the retreat is located in a disused tower block in Newham.  During his time of spiritual cleansing, Hal meets the charismatic Reverend Blush and an ill-matched cast of media has-beens, long-term no hopers and second-rate academics all hoping, like Hal, for a 21^st century redemption.   Part tragi-comedy, part dark satire of modern civilisation, ‘The Impoverished’ offers hope, critique and ripe belly laughs to a discerning reader.  

The 21^st Century (title NM, text JM)

A sobering tale set in the not-too-distant future. ‘The 21^st Century’ is an antique shop with a difference: most of the objects it contains are not antiques, and many of them do not even exist yet. Conceptual artist-turned-shop-keeper Alan Sand, disillusioned with modern society and achingly frustrated with his failure to succeed as first an artist then as an entrepreneur, burns his collection of artworks and business stock, and rebrands his Dalston shop as ‘The 21^st Century’, throwing open  his doors one evening to reveal nothing for sale bar two carriage clocks.  Alan finally unwittingly achieves the fame he has so long craved through offering an increasingly jaded metropolitan public what they never realised they wanted: a baroque assortment of nothing for the home.   The story of his fall, rise and eventual final fall are told with wry affection in this startling first novel.

Rum Blazer 3 (May 2nd)

Linger (title JM, text NM)
A stunning debut from a former pimp turned adviser to the Mayor of London on sex-trafficking, 'Linger' is a tragi-comic Proustian fable of addiction and hedonism.  Kenneth Pocket is a long-serving member of Dagenham Council, who has worked his way up through the political ranks to join the Board of the Metropolitan Police Authority. The story, and Kenneth's life, his past, present and future, are reflected through one moment in a presentation on the effects of sex work, which is described in a tour-de-force of 86 pages, in which Kenneth's gaze is held for a few seconds too long by the Latvian prostitute giving evidence to his board of enquiry. Melding a history of popular culture of the seventies, eighties and nineties with a personal romantic and sexual memoir, the author has created a work like no other.

Mix and Mash (title NM, text JM)
The cook book you've been waiting for! Just the thing for those long, cold winters, a set of 100 chop-smacking recipes to fill your boots. Each recipe features a new take on that humble staple - the mashed potato.  Spud-u-Like? You bet! You'll be entertained and entranced with this exotic collection. From the Victorian-inspired "Mash and Brains" to the ethereal "Mash with Peacock Feathers", you'll never be stuck for a mid-week supper again!

•  "Powerful Stuff" - Heston Blumenthal

• "Make mine a 'Mash with Beans Explosion'" - Prince Charles

Rum Blazer 2: April 26th

April 26th saw the creation of four more masterpieces, summarised in 50-100 words. As follows:

Chief Matthews (title JM, text NM)
A post-modern, post-imperial modern comedy classic, this best-selling work challenges liberal sensibilities with its shaggy dog story of the life of Evan Matthews, a Welsh blackface entertainer popular in the 60's. As his act becomes unacceptable to domestic audiences in the 1990's, Matthews resigns himself to an impoverished and obscure retirement. His relationships are beginning to suffer when he is contacted by a tribe in Swaziland who wish to commission a new TV series, so popular are his vintage exploits. In a bizarre twist,  his African fans do not realise that Matthews is white. The bulk of the novel follows the exploits and farcical misunderstandings of Matthews and his family's new life in Africa as he adapts to his celebrity, and his comic and accident-prone attempts to keep his true ethnicity under wraps.  

Income Support (title NM, text JM)
This bawdy farce is a must read for all of you who loved 'The Fully Monty'! It's a blow-by-blow account of long-term benefit claimants in Swindon who decide to turn their talents to pornography. Their x-rated bonk-buster 'In-Cum Support' offers an unusual view of sex in a relationship between a man with permanent erectile dysfunction and his long-suffering lover.  
A graphic, horny and comic account of real sex that manages to tell a few home truths about life on the economic scrap heap in the 21st century.

Exemplary Service (title NM, text JM)
A first-person account of strong emotions, set in a boy's boarding school in the 1930's.  A sensitive attempt to convey the hopes, frustration and bitterness of Evelyn, the school's matron, born without a face and with a foot-long tongue. Despite her ill-treatment by boys, other staff members and parents, she devotes herself to her job, spurred on only by her unshakable attachment to the repressedly homosexual headmaster. Eventually they marry, but Evelyn is diagnosed with a terminal illness.  Curiously life-affirming.

 Plan Living (title JM, text NM)
A poignant historical novel set in the terrifying period of purges and executions in Stalin's Russia of the 1930's. The narrator, a veteran of the 1980's Samizdat dissent movement, brings to vivid life the world of  Vitaly Antochick, a hero of Soviet Labour working in a steel plant in the Dometsk basin, the minutia of factory routine interspersed with the drama and humiliation of his exploitation in the nascent Soviet media. The novel turns on Vitaly's growing isolation from his wife and fellow labourers, as he seeks solace in the arms of a young party member, with tragic consequences. "A tear-jerker with powerful political relevance for contemporary society" (Soviet Worker). 

Rum Blazer

Rum blazer: a writing game for two or more. Everyone invents, or takes from a written source, a title for an imaginary book: a word, phrase or sentence. Pass the title to the player on your left, who has to write a precis for the imaginary book / blurb to go on the back cover. Here are the ones we did yesterday (not sticking to the rules by making up our own titles):

Rum Blazer (title NM, text JM)
This touching parable features an autistic child and the intense but controversial world of his imagination. His fantasy ego, 'Rum Blazer', both shocks and seduces in equal measure. Despite his mother's efforts, Figaro descends into a darkness from which only his dentist can save him. A riveting read!

Rum Blazer (title NM, text NM)
The shocking saga of a man born into privilege, operating in the shady interstices of legality, sexuality and alcoholism in a seductive and nightmarish Barbados.
The interconnections of the Bullington Club, colonial prostitution and organised crime are laid bare through the exploits of Tarquin Meriwether, an old-Etonian blackballed from the Board of the City firm he thought was his entitlement, as he lives life to the full, cocking a big snook at the establishment that bred him.

Santa Theresa (title NM, text NM)
The heart-breaking but ultimately life-affirming story of an autistic girl from the slums of Barcelona, rejected by her family and the world in which she grew up for her physical and mental disabilities, who rises to world prominence and finds love of a higher order after her encounter with an Olympic diver, who is horribly injured after health and safety lapses at the Barcelona Olympics, and is miraculously healed by her prayers. A novel of the recent historical past suitable for committed Christians and sports followers.

Fresh Peach (title NM, text JM)
Breaking controversial new ground, this experimental novel by an exciting young author explores the limits of personal identity, destiny and the body. The voice is that of a mole on Julie Burchill's thigh: suspended between two moments defining her lesbianity, the mole (the 'Fresh Peach' of the title) offers a searing commentary on local politics in Hove, and the 'green' movement.

Learning Music (title JM, text NM)
A profound document of human experience, this fictionalised memoir tells the story of the poignant relationship that develops between an Aboriginal tribal elder and an orphaned European boy growing up in the Australian outback in the 1970's. 
A classic coming-of-age story that makes an important contribution to the emerging canon of Gaia literature. 

55% (title NM, text JM)
Did you know that 55% of the UK population harbour host parasites in their bloodstream?  Starting from this little-known fact, the author explains what it really means to be subject to a cross-species onslaught from micro organisms. This clear tome explains an awful lot of health problems, from migraines to menstrual pain, headaches to heart disease.